Afterlife

The bands I listened to at home were better than the ones that performed at the shows. But I went because I was loyal. I hid behind my camera and turned the night into art.

I made at least one friend in the crowd each night. Someone I could talk to, check in with, maybe add a few drinks to their tab.

My daughter doesn't understand. "Why didn't you wear earbuds and listen to something else?"

How do I explain that we didn't have that technology without realizing how long ago it really was. I'm 35 now. The age you were when you bought me shots at the bar because I was only 19.

My daughter is too young to hear it. She doesn't need to think about how men are so fragile, the act of not liking their band can hurt them, and in turn hurt you. I can't be sure how these wannabe rock stars would have acted if they found out their underage photographer was not actually a fan of their band, but even then, even at my cockiest, I knew better than to risk finding out.

Do I even want to relive that time myself? How they sat with beers after their set, recapping the show - always to rave reviews. How they had me sit with them because I had a "unique perspective." How they held certain poses that they thought looked cool - did I capture it? Did it look cool?

Yes. Yes.

 

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