I wait until you're asleep on a weekend night when my brother is out with friends. I am the only one awake in the house, and I'm about to leave. I listen for the car idling in front of my neighbor's driveway. You've been asleep for hours now, but I don't want to risk it. This is my chance to escape.
Don't worry, I'm not running away with him. He's simply the means to an end, a way to leave my bedroom and get somewhere else. I don't want to sleep with him, and won't, unless that's what I have to do to pay for gas. My money is mine, and maybe it's strange to be more possessive over that than my own body, but I'll do what I have to do to get away.
It's not you; don't think you could have should have done anything differently to get better results. I think this is better for everyone, and you will too, in time. Just let me leave, let me disappear into the darkness, and trust I know what's best for myself. I won't become a junkie. I won't sell my body downtown. I'm only leaving so I can find myself without your constraints.
I picture myself in an apartment, maybe with him, just to split rent. Maybe not. Maybe I'll be on my own, finally. I just can't stand it anymore, being in high school, listening to the teachers scolding us for having original thoughts. Hours of homework or else we'll fail. If we fail now, what can we aspire to in the future? Isn't it better to leave those shackles behind and do whatever I want?
I think I can make it. Alone, without the degree, without your help. If not, I know how to get a GED. I know how to apply for a job. The lessons you've taught me are still there, I'm just using them in a different way. I'm going to make it, I'm just doing it my own way.
I hear tires crunch the gravel. It sounds just far enough away. I lift my window, push out the screen. I put one leg outside into the fresh air and take a deep breath. This is it.
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