She's posing on the swings and I'm trying to capture her joy as if she were a child instead of an adult. Can adults even feel that unbridled happiness once they hit certain landmarks, pass those milestones? I can't remember the last time I felt anything other than pressure.
I want to sit on the empty swing next to her and feel the wind in my hair. I want to put down the camera and pretend I don't need it or the validation of the professors who will grant me entry to my dream school or turn me away and send me... where?
I haven't thought about what I'll do if I don't get in. I haven't thought about what I'll do if I get in. I haven't thought about anything beyond what I want my portfolio to capture.
The blurry line between childhood and adulthood. The uncertainty you feel even when you're supposed to embrace the freedom and responsibility that is now all yours, all on you.
I don't want to mess it up. Mess what up? Anything, everything, whatever comes next.
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I sometimes wonder what it would be like to be that child again, just for a day. Uncertaincy never goes away, it just takes a different form.
ReplyDelete"Uncertainty never goes away, it just takes a different form." Absolutely true; I love how concisely you said that.
DeleteWhen you're a child you want to grow up and have control over your life but once you get there you learn it's a lot more complicated. Weekends In Maine
ReplyDeleteToo true! Everything's supposed to be easier once you're an adult, but it never is.
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