Where

I wondered what it would be like to travel. Family road trips every summer. Hoarding vacation days so we can leave town for a week or two. Packing bags for us, for the kids. Rinsing underpants in hotel rooms so we can stay gone a few days longer.

We didn't make it that far. We were separate, we attempted to merge into a couple. Looking back, it was doomed from the start. I knew it, but felt like I should at least try. Why not. What else had I done in my life but turn away from everyone? I knew what happened then. I needed to try something else to get a different outcome.

I think of celebrating anniversaries, sending kids to grandparents so we can escape for an evening to ourselves. Except the landmarks we passed seem more like obligations than celebrations. Making it to a year. Two. Marriage at the courthouse. One more anniversary that I thought would feel different after making a commitment, but it didn't.

Divorce at the courthouse.

Would we have had two children? Three? They would make us different people. Better people? We'll never know. It's for the best that there were no more casualties; we are enough. We weren't enough.

I'm alone in a motel room in the desert and there's only one threadbare towel in the bathroom. It was the only vacancy for miles so I won't complain. If I was traveling with my family, we would have called ahead. We would have an itinerary. We would have pit stops for snacks and bathroom breaks. Picnics packed in the cooler. Voices asking "Are we there yet?"

274 words